i promised myself i wouldn't let you complete me
by bonkaiqueen
Summary: "You. You were the only one I ever loved. Bonnie Bennett." Bonkai. Drabbles.
1. i'm the only one to blame

It only takes a second for Kai to realize that Damon isn't coming back. That he has just left Bonnie there, on the ground, sacrificing her for Elena Gilbert. He doesn't know what to do, but whatever it is, he has to do it fast. She's dying, bleeding out right in front of him.

"That's it? He just left you?" he asks quizzically, and he is already moving forward, moving toward her limp body. He pulls down his sleeve, readying his fangs to rip into the delicate skin of his wrist when he feels it: the stake in his heart.

Kai screams out, agony and rage in his tone as he desperately tries to turn and see who it is trying to kill him. Trying, of course, and failing, because he is Kai Parker, and he doesn't die that easily.

It feels like slow motion, the way he falls next to her.

Kai thinks it's okay now. He got everything, really - everything he ever wanted. He had become the leader of his Coven, exacted revenge on his father. There is only one thing missing, one final moment of closure that he needs.

"Bonnie, Bonnie, listen to me," he croaks out. "I was - going to - save you. Bonnie."

He desperately reaches out, slashes at his skin with his teeth, and presses it to her mouth. She doesn't respond, or maybe he misses the small gasp that she elicits. Damon is already gone. The bastard. He didn't even try to save her.

"You." Kai coughs. "You were the only one I ever loved. Bonnie Bennett."

He can feel his veins already hardening, like sandpaper under skin. And no, what is he doing? Because Kai Parker doesn't die this easily. But he is already gone.

Bonnie rights herself and can't help the lone tear sliding down her left cheek. She tells herself that she is crying because it hurts, but it's a lie. She cries for the beautiful mess of a man that loved her, that apologized to her - the man she secretly forgave in his last minute of life.

* * *

A/N: Title: _Sober, P!nk_

Just something I wrote right after watching 6x22, but I forgot to post it here, oops. Somebody cry with me.


	2. the closest to heaven that i'll ever be

**A/N: Finally updated lol. Sorry if this is crappy but it was written in, like 20 minutes. Oops. Just my headcanon about what happened after his death. Takes place on November 14th, 2013.**

 ** _For #KPFuneral._**

 **Title: Iris, Goo Goo Dolls.**

* * *

She realizes that she is under dressed a little too late - in the chilly November air, the wind blows right through her blouse. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stops in the middle of the sidewalk. _Why was she doing this?_ She didn't owe it to anyone.

Her brain tells her to stop, to turn back before it is too late. She listens to her heart.

A sign in front of Bonnie says "Mystic Falls Cemetery." She inhales and steps inside, weaving in and out of the rows until she reaches the one labeled "Parker." They hadn't had a funeral, but Alaric had wanted to properly bury them, and so Caroline had compelled a cemetery worker.

Bonnie passes the first few graves - they are all people from Oregon, all people she doesn't know, or doesn't care for, until… _J_ o _._ Her tombstone is pale, smooth - freezing to the touch. The engraving is prominent: "Josette Laughlin-Saltzman. Healer, lover, friend," Bonnie reads in a whisper. "1972 to 2013." The weight on Bonnie's chest only seems to increase as she sees that Liv has been buried right next to Luke. "I'm sorry," she says quietly. "I should've saved you all." She lays a single white rose on each of their graves and moves on to the last plot.

His grave is the least beautiful - just a sad, small stone crudely marked with his full name. She stops and leans down.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." Her voice shakes. "It's been 6 months and there hasn't been a single day that I don't feel this crushing guilt. It keeps me up at night. I can't help but think that I could have saved everyone who died." Bonnie looks up and blinks back tears. "Including you."

"You were right, you know? It is my fault," she laughs. "All of it. I could've believed you in 1903. Even at the rave, for that matter. I _should_ have. None of this would've happened. Jeremy finally told me about what you did: I may have almost killed myself because of you, but I'm also alive right now because of you, too." And then, "I'm sorry."

Bonnie's cheeks are wet, but she doesn't even realize it. "I know that this doesn't help you now. I know I can't take back what I did, but...the thing is, you can't either. You're dead. And I need closure. This is it."

She stands up, reaching into the pocket of her jeans. A black rose falls from her hand and onto the dirt 6 feet above Kai's headless body. Bonnie walks away and doesn't look back.


	3. let me under your skin

It's easy to discern a lie from her, she has this tell where she touches her neck every time something untrue passes her lips.

The first time he notices it, she is telling him all about her life in Mystic Falls. About Elena the doppelganger, Matt the human, Tyler the ex-werewolf. About the Salvatores and how they would die for one another. The Originals, and the lifelong feud between Klaus and his family. Anyone that had ever lived there, anyone that had ever died there.

And then there was Jeremy. Best friend's younger brother, first love, and vampire hunter…sort of. Frankly, Kai couldn't care less about an ex-druggie with ghost issues, but he tunes back in when he hears it, "But I never told him."

"Never told him what?"

"That I wasn't going to come back. When the Other Side collapsed," Bonnie explains.

"You are very self-sacrificing, aren't you?" He squints at her. "First, you bring him back to life, then die to bring him back again, then die again to bring back everyone he loves. It's so…Bonnie."

"You say it like it's a bad thing, but," she sighs, "if I could do it all over again, and if it meant they were all safe, I wouldn't change a thing."

"Why him?"

"What do you mean?" Bonnie questions.

"I mean, why him," he repeats. "Why would you sacrifice everything for him?"

"Because I loved him!" She says. "Why else?"

Kai catches onto the past tense before she can take it back. His eyes narrow, a corner of his mouth tilting up in a smirk. "So, do you miss him?"

"Yes," she says vehemently.

"And do you love him?"

There is a pregnant pause. Bonnie lowers her eyes and when she speaks, she subconsciously lifts her hand to brush at the crook of her neck.

"Of course."

* * *

A/N: Title - _Soap, Melanie Martinez_

This is very short, but I loved writing it! I think I might add a part 2, since I've been planning it out in my head. Thoughts?


	4. stolen kisses, pretty lies

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay? I'll be right out." Kai slides out of his seat, pecking Elena's cheek, before giving me a meaningful glance.

"Actually I have to go, too."

Caroline looks at me suspiciously and I smile. "Just give me a minute." I walk ahead of Kai and into the ladies room. Slipping into a stall, I wait. A minute later, he walks in grinning. "You know this is wrong, right?" I say nervously, backing up against the toilet.

"Bonnie - "

"This is _really_ wrong. Do you not understand how wrong this is?" I panic.

"Stand on the toilet. That way you can reach my height, so I won't have to bend."

"Just shut up and listen to me for one second, would you?"

"I would rather do something else, to be honest," he laughs, "and I know lots of ways you could shut me up." He leans in.

My protest dies in my throat as we kiss. His tongue slides against my bottom lip, and his hands tangle in my hair, as he moves down to my jawline. I let out a gaspy, "Kai."

He starts to suck harshly, finding my sweet spot. Someone outside our stall snorts and says, "Get a room." I snap back to reality, pulling away. "No, no hickies, that's so obvious," I scold, pushing him away. "I can't keep doing this, I'm not going to cheat on my best friend with you. We are done."

"Bon," he says, pouting.

"You're such a jerk," I tell him, unlocking the stall and looking myself over in the mirror.

"We're not done and you know it. _You'll come back._ You always do."

"Leave me alone." I kick the door open and leave, not looking back.

* * *

A/N: Title: _Blank Space, Taylor Swift_

Just something that's been in my drafts for months, and since I haven't updated THS in a while, I thought I might just post this. To clarify: Kai is dating Elena, Bonnie is cheating with him, and Caroline suspects something is up.

Credit to Lauren (mysticfalls-originals) for the line "I would rather do something else." Inspired by Chapter 19 of her amazing story Nightmares.

A little Holiday!Bonkai oneshot is in the works and will be up sometime next week. Love you!


End file.
